I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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