just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
