Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize