..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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