Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Who died my cat blue again?
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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