He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
