Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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