turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
