She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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