You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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