I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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