thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
