Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
