and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize