it was like his penis was on wheels.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Randomize
