Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
