think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
