Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
