He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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