You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
