You just made me feel so damn special
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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