I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
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