dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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