I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
