This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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