my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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