Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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