Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
