He kissed a someone with a penis
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
