My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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