She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
