STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
