Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
