I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
