I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize
