Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize