Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Randomize
