My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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