Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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