my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
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