Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
