Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
