Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
i just had sex bonerless
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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