But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize
