I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
