After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Randomize
