I want to stick my p in your. b.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Randomize
