would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Success! We fucked roommates!
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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