You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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