who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
