Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
