i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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