I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
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