also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
i wish my penis had a tongue
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
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