i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
