Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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