put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize