couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
