dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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