i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
