You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Also, beer. Big fan.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize