Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
