I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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