Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
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