i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
BRING THE BAGELS
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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