I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
