Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
