Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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