I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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