he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
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