I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize