onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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